its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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