I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
