He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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