And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
