We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
