Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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