There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
