If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize