if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
