my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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