I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
