Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Randomize
