if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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