hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's the barista slut.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
