Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Please, let me fuck your mom
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
