i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
