you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
