At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
