just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
