i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
