My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
