My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
