i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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