I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
