I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
