You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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