What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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