He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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