wanna go halves on a baby?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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