i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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