your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Life is so much better after having sex.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
