im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize