so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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