we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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