What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
