I have demons in me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
