i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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