before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
