I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
