Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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