Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
