I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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