What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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