His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
