hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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