Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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