Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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