I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
