i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
