When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
