i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize