i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
