how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize