Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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