you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
