Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize