He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
