he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
