There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
