just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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