my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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