I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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