You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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