now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize