actually, I'm a sock model
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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