New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
