you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
