I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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