I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
