some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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