dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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