I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize