he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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