My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
operation harelip BJ is a go
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Randomize