Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
