You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
