My room smells like vodka and shame
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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