I think I am morally bankrupt
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
