I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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