Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
