we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
