Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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