the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
