i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
