another moral hangover. fuck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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