please come you make the beer taste better
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Randomize
