i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
