oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize