I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize