Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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