this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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