i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
