dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
