dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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