Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
