I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
