After last night, I could never be a politician.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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