I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
