So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
