she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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