My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
